Not what I wanted

I attended a Women of Faith conference over the weekend in San Antonio and it was exactly what I needed. God spoke through these women like no other time I have ever heard. I truly wish I could just cart them around with me for inspiration all the time. It was heart-wrenching, soul-speaking food for thought for 2 whole days. The theme was "Imagination" and trusting in God. Each of the women shared their struggles, both past and present, with trusting God in their lives. My first thought was DUH, of course I trust Him. But as the weekend progressed, I became more and more aware that I wasn't really trusting Him in the ways I should.

Luci Swindoll read a poem that I cannot get out of my head. Using the mighty powers of Google, I found it on another blogger's site. Please forgive me if the correct person is not cited for writing the poem:

It was Spring, but it was Summer I wanted:
The warm days and the great outdoors.

It was Summer, but it was Fall I wanted:
The colorful leaves and the cool, dry air.

It was Fall, but it was Winter I wanted:
The beautiful snow and the joy of the holiday season.

It was Winter, but it was Spring I wanted:
The warmth and the blossoming of nature.

I was a child, and it was adulthood I wanted:
The freedom and the respect.

I was 20, but it was 30 I wanted:
To be mature and sophisticated.

I was middle-aged, but it was 20 I wanted:
The youth and the free spirit.

I was retired, but it was middle-aged I wanted:
The presence of mind without limitations.

My life was over,and I never got what I wanted.

~ a poem from a book by Charles Swindoll

It really made me think about how I'm always wishing my life away....how I constantly wish for something bigger and better. And with that line of thinking I wasn't trusting. What part of the here and now can't I just be happy about? Nothing is so bad in my life right now, I have so much that I've always wanted. Why not just be happy about it? Why not trust that God will bring me to it and through it?

Thankfully I know I'm not alone in these thoughts. So many times I am too busy worrying about the future that I forget to enjoy the present. Not sure I can ever change that completely, it's just part of who I am, but I can be aware of it.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. -Proverbs 3:5